We’ve been together for 5 months, “friends” for a year and 14 months but why like this? It feels like I don’t fully trust him. We’re in a relationship but it seems not like that. I always doubt his love for me. I never imagined that I would be in this situation wherein I’ll be in a relationship that soon. I asked God to give me a guy, a man who’ll lead mo in goodness and who’s a Christian who has faith and matured spiritually. Why like this? Is this a challenge for me? We’ve been fighting for months and then be okay again. It’s like a routine. I always think why can’t we break up if we’re always like this? I’ve said that I don’t want to cry anymore but, I guess that won’t happen. I cry like everyday for some reasons. I told him to guide me because it’s my first but it seems that I’m the leader. I don’t know what to do with him. I’m near to giving up even though I love him that much. I don’t know what he really feels toward me because he once broke my trust to him.
Everything got affected when e came into my life: friends and studies.
I lost my 2 close friends from my former work because of him, I guess. But, he was there when my friends where leaving me alone in front of the customers and they were enjoying themselves at the production area with some other crew. I felt alone that time, loneliness for my friends and I were slipping apart. I never imagined that it would come into like that. My friends whom God gave me were not my that friends anymore. I can really feel loneliness inside of me. I miss my true friends in my country. They’re always there through thick and thin, joy and sadness, ups and downs.
My studies are not good here. I quit my other job last year cause I had 2 jobs and school at the same time. What happened was my studies suffered a lot. I got a grade that I didn’t expect to have. I felt like I was drowned in the middle of the ocean that no one could help me out. That grade screwed everything. So, I’ll graduate next year for my associates and transfer in a 4-year college. But, my big problem is my grade. The point is, I quit my job but then the guy came into my life after that. So, I don’t know.
The main idea of this is, everything is falling apart.